I'm sure that if your reading this you are aware of Michel Platini's vision of football equality. A world where no one can win and no one can loose, all is fair and such competitions as the champions league will have to be renamed the League of Fairness or even simply "The Everyones got a shot"
At a recent meeting headed by 4 of the worlds most foremost football minds (Steve McLaren, Phill Brown Sep Blater and Platini himself) Many options to create this equal world were vetoed as too extreme. Many clubs where unwilling to accept the idea of introducing salary caps or limiting the amount of money that passes between clubs when transferring players as they felt that too much money had been involved too recently which would create an inbalance and lock some of the finest players in the world up with the clubs that they currently play for taking them back to the first problem.
However it was towards the end of the meeting that Platini and Mclaren between them struck on something. Their idea was that teams earning over a certain amount in a season or for that matter winning too many trophies would be forced to implement a dietary regime on their players in the next season.
"They shall become Vegiteriens" explained Platini. "The low content of meat in their diet should make them less aggressive slightly slower in their reactions and should see them dying off towards the end of the game. This in turn should create a fairer season over the course of the year"
Blater went on to say "Ideally we would like to see teams like Manchester, Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelsea not qualifying for the Champions League and even perhaps having to give up with a few matches to go giving lower teams such as Hull a fighting chance"
It was at his point that Phil Brown decided to say something of use as he had remained largly quiet during the whole meeting except once to complain to the referees association about an increase in a decrease of Hull Citys point tally.
" The point is good but I worry about players illegally taking protein shakes for instance"
"Lock them up" said Platini
"Sounds fair" Said Blater
"Then we are all agreed" Said Brown
"Fuck Off" Said everyone else in the room and then a shoe was thrown at Platini's head from the back of the room. I think the man who threw it was called Alex.
